Moron Daily News

Unmarked vehicles, stolen cars..heck, maybe even a taxi – all could be better escape choices than the one Mark McAvinew made. Mark made the poor, poor choice of robbing a Metcalf bank in Kansas City, then made the even poorer choice of driving his company van to the heist.
Nothing says “anonymous” like your company logo [...]

Yeah, I’m thinkin’ that wasn’t going to work.
BOULDER, Colo. – Authorities say a man in Colorado apparently tried to steal an ATM by hauling it away with a truck.
The plan didn’t work. The alleged attempted theft of the free-standing, outdoor ATM in Boulder set off an alarm early Wednesday morning. When police arrived they found [...]

In 2007, a man named Alexander D. Smith went to the bank to make an ordinary deposit. The only problem was his extraordinary funds. It seems he had the bright idea to open an account using a  million dollar bill. Too bad for him that the minimum requirement for seeing through this charade was breathing. [...]

A gentleman from Pennsylvania was arrested in 2003 for robbing a New Jersey bank. Then last month, after being in jail for six years, he was arrested for robbing the same bank. Huh. To quote Futurama’s Roberto, “That first time was just to case the joint and rob it a little.”

Imagine Josh Muszynski’s surprise when he checked his online bank account after buying a pack of cigarettes at his local gas station. Somehow he had been charged $23,148,855,308,184,500 that pack. In case you didn’t feel like counting the digits (there are 17), that equals over $23 quadrillion – way over and many times the U.S. [...]

Picture this: your usual bank is in the middle of being robbed. What’s the first thing you do? If you’re Annemarie Dooling, you jump on Twitter. Actually, I’m giving her too much credit. She didn’t even notice the bank was being robbed.
The tellers were all very nervous and looked upset,” she said in the e-mail. [...]

After shoplifting a pair of pantyhose, Victor Delfi walked to the nearest bank and told the occupants that he had a gun and was robbing the bank. He made it out OK, and as he left he even apologized for his behavior.
“I’m sorry,” he turned and said as he left the bank, the complaint says. [...]